How to meet partners online rather than dating sites?
Meet people without dating apps.
If you haven’t had a chance to experience a real life version of one of these scenarios then you probably don’t know why so many people hate online dating platforms.
A common criticism is that the person on Tinder doesn’t look as good as they do in their photo and makes them feel bad for thinking that they wouldn’t want to meet someone who looked so different than their photo.
But there are some great benefits to using dating apps. Here’s how it works: You download a dating app like Tinder, Bumble, Happn, etc., create your profile, upload your photo (if you want), add a few words about yourself, and then start swiping left if you don’t think you’d hit it off with someone or right if you would.
Places to meet without dating apps
It can be easier to meet someone in person when looking for love than through online dating websites where you may not know who you’re talking to.
You might even get to know people better by doing activities together instead of just going shopping or grabbing drinks.
If someone doesn’t care if they meet a potential mate, then that person may be able to relax and be their true selves.
Here are some tips for meeting people in real-world situations.
Meetups (or specifically meetups for singles)
Network events for your industry
Alumni events from your college or high school
Sports clubs (like running, biking, soccer, triathlons, etc.)
Gyms and yoga studios
Friends setting you up
Friends of friends at group gatherings
Fun education classes and hobbies (think a weekly painting class or some such)
Your religious communities (events at or hosted by churches, temples, mosques, etc.)
Camping groups and outdoor classes
Book groups at your local bookstore or library
The real reason why people don’t like dating sites.
Many people complain about online daters, but lots of people use online matchmakers, which seems to indicate that there is something else behind the scenes for those of you who don’t want to date using an online matchmaker.
Sometimes, fear of putting yourself out there, and even being seen, is one reason why people don’t reach out online because they’re afraid of rejection.
We’re embarrassed by our failures to meet expectations. And we don’t want to fail again. Our fear of failing can be subconsciously affecting us even though we’re not aware of it.
However, these fears are unfounded because the people on dating sites are single and ready to mingle, so they don’t care if they’re wasting their time talking to someone else. They know what they’re doing, and they’ve already put in the effort so why not go for it? Good on you!
People often fear rejection because they feel insecure about themselves, and thus they’re afraid someone might reject them based on something negative about who they are. But we shouldn’t let those fears stop us from pursuing our dreams, especially when they come to us in the form of meeting new people through an app. And yes, maybe that doesn’t happen every time, but it does happen enough so that we should just give it a chance. That being said, it is important to remember that online dating can be fun and easy, provided that both parties are open to the possibility of finding love.
21 people reveal why they don’t use dating apps — and how they meet people instead
Dating app users have different reasons for not wanting to use dating apps, including claiming that they’re a waste of their valuable free/busy times, and prefer natural, in-real-life chemistry.
1. Charlene, 40
“I’ve been single for just over three months now, and I’m already fed up of swiping on Tinder. Not because I find myself swiping left every single night, but because I’m sick of seeing endless profiles of people who have nothing better to do with their lives than sit behind their computer, scrolling through pictures of their exes.”
Since I am an introverted person who tends to enjoy her own company, meeting people isn’t hard for me. It’s when I meet someone new who seems interesting that things might get tricky.
“I’m not looking for any specific type of relationship when I connect with someone; I’m interested in meeting new friends, developing friendships, and growing closer to others. So if you’re not into the idea of a serious relationship at least let us get to know each other before we jump into anything else.”
2. Supriya, 29
“I’m not a big believer in online dating sites … They’re just another form of algorithmic matchmaking.”
“I think the probability of meeting someone through acquaintances or relatives at a social gathering or a meetup is more convincing to me than using an app.” Meetups for like-minds sounds great, too. Meeting people in a situation like that gives the vibe and a topic for conversation. Whereas my peers who use apps are so nervous about how they’re going to be perceived on their first date!
3. Chris, 29
“I hate online dating because it takes the romance out of meeting someone in person. You’re forced into a series of messages where you have to make small talk before getting down to business.”
“I meet girls at the gym – which is a healthy thing to do anyway! – and it really helps me get into a good mood. I feel comfortable there, and that is when your self-esteem is highest, in your comfort zone or place or expertise. So I highly recommend it.”
4. Sarah, 34
Dating sites and applications aren’t always an accurate reflection of a person. Some people exaggerate their good points so much that they end up disappointing others. And some people hide their bad points by not including them in their profile. I believe that these online services are actually making things harder than necessary for everyone involved.”
Instead, I make sure to attend events where I can interact with new faces, including coworkers, coworkers’ spouses/significant others, and sometimes even random guys I see at Starbucks or grocery store.
“I’ve had good results so far, and I think it’s easier than dating on a dating app because there’s no back-and-forth, no awkward first date, no need for any kind of follow up after an initial meetup, and no pressure to eventually set a time to meet.”
5. Angelique, 24
“I think most people in my generation use dating apps, but I don’t really see them as a genuine way of connecting on a deep personal basis. I tried Tinder, and, wow! It was overwhelming! I forgot what I’d tell people when we were out together, what plans I had for us, etc. So I deactivated the application and cleared up some space on my smartphone, which was way more essential!”
“I am an outgoing individual who enjoys many different activities including slacklining, surfing, skiing, biking, hiking, and so forth. I actually met the woman of my dreams through slacklining at the ocean — which was the most genuine and organic way it could’ve ever occurred. Her name is Erika, and we now reside happily in Berkeley, California.”
6. Holly, 53
Nowadays, there’s no point in using online matchmaking services since it’s impossible to keep our personal lives private. I’ve been on Match.com before, but I stopped after meeting my boyfriend two years ago. From now on, I won’t bother with online dates.”
No matter where we live people can always find ways to connect with others. We’ve found that people we met through our local community are often good sources for finding new partners. The easiest way to do this is to get involved in an activity or group that brings together people who share your interests. You’ll probably make lots of new connections just from being part of such a group. People love to talk about themselves and what they’re interested in, and these types of groups typically attract really interesting people. By joining a group like this, you can quickly build up a network of contacts within your area. Take advantage of any opportunities that come along. Even if you only manage to make one friend, just starting out could lead to meeting many new ones.
7. Lisa, 47
“Because I’m so busy and picky, I don’t take advantage of online match-making services. I consider myself an ambitious, successful, and career-driven woman, and I feel that my biggest problem with online match-makers is that they require too much time and effort from me. After achieving a certain level of success in life, I get pickier about who I look for as a companion, and then introduce myself to them at networking events.”
When I meet someone new, they’re usually very open and friendly. We often talk about current events and gossip about our friends. Not only do we find each other amusing, but we can also share life stories and experiences, which leads to lots of laughs. Some of us have made lifelong friends through meeting online. Although we may not necessarily think of ourselves as having dated before, we’ve probably had a relationship. Dating in the age of Tinder means finding love without a lot of effort—and then enjoying those efforts!
I’m a love life guide and met my boyfriend online within two months. He was having a bad day and wanted to talk about his problems. We chatted through IM and after talking about our relationship we decided to meet up. When he showed up at my door and greeted me with open arms I knew he was the one. I introduced myself and we had a great chat. I could tell he was really struggling because of something he told me. After that evening, we just clicked and couldn’t stop talking! We’ve been together ever since.
8. Anonymous, 31
Dating apps work for some people, but not for others. When the novelty wears off, most people use dating apps once or twice before giving up. This means most potential dates go inactive within a short time frame after signing up.
Instead, it’s far better to go out with friends, enjoy yourself, make new acquaintances, and get to know them. Don’t feel any compulsion to impress anyone. Just relax, have a great time, and enjoy getting to know others. You’ll find that you will naturally be drawn into conversations about things you care about and find that these interactions can lead to friendship, perhaps even love. That’s what happens in real life. In contrast, you might be tempted to “performer” with someone because they’re not paying attention to you. However, if you do so, you risk coming across as insincere or manipulative. After all, why would you try to convince someone you don’t like?
9. Liz, 28
“I liked trying Tinder and Bumble one time for 24 hours just to get an idea of what they’re all about. But I’d rather meet people organically by going to the gym, socializing at the local bar/neighborhood restaurant/coffee shop, and meeting new people through mutual connections.”
10. Anshu, 24
To me, dating sites aim for a “relationships” type of interaction when my purpose is to look for a long term partner. I’ve tried them out, but I’ve found they weren’t successful enough in helping me reach that goal.
“Instead,” I say, “meet friends through social gatherings — not just online ones but actual events and meetings — where you get to know each other and have fun together.” I’ve actually done this when I was younger; in college, I went out with friends from high school and we had a good night.”
11. Audrey, 39
“There’s just too much time wasted and fakery involved. It’s not worth it unless you know exactly what you want.”
Additionally, all that scrolling makes for a slow experience, and most folks can’t put together a compelling profile, which results in them having no idea who you really are!
I still find meeting new friends online works pretty well. We can get to know each other better and see what we’re really about in person before committing ourselves. When you do go to bars or clubs, keep in mind that not everyone wants to hook up with strangers. Some guys just want someone they can talk to; others are into role playing games. You may run into those types who are seeking relationships, but you’ll have a much easier time if you stick within your comfort zone.
12. Stacy, 27
“When it comes to choosing online dating sites, I believe that most dating apps won’t be able to succeed unless they cater to the needs of the average user who has no interest in meeting someone famous. However, since I am not looking for a celebrity crush, there are good reasons why I might choose to use a dating app that doesn’t focus on finding potential romantic partners rather than just casual dates.”
13. Chelsea, 26
“I’ve tried online daters before. They’re so boring! I’m not interested in learning about someone else’s life, or having to read through an entire profile just to find out what they do for work. I’d rather meet someone in person.”
It’s not always easy to get started using an app, but if you give it a chance, you might find that you enjoy it.
“I am happiest when surrounded by people who are genuinely interested in me and want to know more about me. I don’t need a lot of friends; just enough to keep me busy.”
14. Sherry, 40s
“I got burnt out from too many disappointments — personal ads in the New York Press a few years ago, Nerve.com and OKCupid. It was not all bad, but still I’d take time off.
Years ago, I met someone who was really special. It was amazing. We were never apart for long; we stuck together through thick and thin (and some good times too). Then things got difficult, and now he’s back out there dating — but not for me. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone new!
15. Scarlett, 22
“With dating sites, my view is that they’re ruining how we relate to each other. When you go online, there’s no need for any personal interaction whatsoever. You meet them instantly and then just move on to the next person. It doesn’t help us learn how to be friends.”
16. Lauren, 29
We’ve had this conversation before. Dating apps are a total waste of time and money. They only exist so guys can feel better about themselves for not being able to get laid. They’re useless.
People who use online dating sites say that they get no responses to their messages. Sometimes they receive a single message back, but it’s rare. Some people find that the process is too exhausting and just give up after trying the same site for weeks without receiving any matches. When you sign up for a dating service, you should know what your expectations are before you start browsing through profiles. You might think that it’s pointless, because you can only expect to make contact with people who you already know. But these services are surprisingly effective.
“I am a huge fan of meeting new and interesting individuals at concerts, bars, social gatherings, and through friends. Meeting someone via a friend feels like we’ve been introduced by friends, which makes us both feel comfortable right away. My boyfriend was actually recommended to me by a friend, and I instantly felt really good having him be part of my life and my family. He’s honestly wonderful.”
17. Teresa, 29
“I once tried using Tinder for three days but was really disappointed by it. So now I’m all about encouraging people to use the real thing.”
As far as hobbies go, dance parties and house parties are just some of the things I’ve been doing lately. And it turns out there are plenty of awesome, fun, and talented dancers and musicians out there too!
“It’s definitely possible to live in New York City without living there full-time,” says Jessica. “You just need to be prepared to put some effort into it.”
18. Eva, 39
Over time, I’ve found that most online date sites are pretty similar — mainly for two reasons. First is that most of them are just extensions of the traditional bar scene; second is that anyone who has been single for any length of time knows how difficult it is to meet someone at bars and clubs.
Meeting people randomly can be fun. You never know who you might meet!
“I also look for meetups for fun alternatives for making friends. I’d recommend looking into some real-world opportunities. It’s much easier than talking to strangers online. You can actually see if they’re cool before you talk to them.”
19. Lauren, 23
“I haven’t used any online dating sites or applications and I’ve been going through breakups ever since they started becoming popular a couple of years ago.”
Personally, I believe that we attract people who are meant to be part of our life. We just need to follow their lead, take action, and have confidence in ourselves. As a result, I think we’re more likely to meet someone when there’s a common interest between us. To get started, I recommend finding social events where everyone seems friendly and approachable, making sure you attend those events, and eventually talking to the right person. You can then use online dating sites to help you further develop relationships. If none of these options works out, I suggest setting up a coffee date through mutual friends.
Instead of hiding behind a computer, try making that first move when meeting new friends. You’ll probably be surprised by who really wants to get to know you! Get involved in intramural sports, local professional organizations, or an online community for volunteering! “
20. Jacki, 26
“I don’t mind swiping for my friends, but I hate how shallow the whole thing feels when I think about it for myself. And I get scared enough in reality — so why would I need to add that into my pockets?”
Instead, I’ve found success by doing what I love: go out and be active: join a gym, run clubs, meet new friends, etc. Do what makes you happy, but make sure it’s something you enjoy. I’ve seen apps succeed for friends, but in mine, nothing beats the old fashioned ways.
21. Sherina, 37
“I don’t meet people using online dating websites.” Dating sites are often less than ideal because they’re not really designed for long term relationships. Often, these sites are meant to help singles get laid.
It’s entirely possible to meet someone not on a dating app here’s how.
In today’s age, apps like Tinder allow users to swipe left or right on a person’s photo. Dating sites such as OkCupid also boast thousands upon thousands of profiles — so much so that they often leave room for users to include specific preferences, likes, dislikes, etc., in their personal profiles. Some websites, such as Match.com, also offer the option to browse their members based on location or interests. However, some users are starting to get sick of swiping left on endless profiles. These days, it takes longer to find someone who meets your criteria within a particular platform because of how many options exist. Additionally, once you do meet that special someone, you still have no guarantee that they’re actually “the one” until after you’ve met them in person.
Now that we’ve established that virtual dates aren’t the end of the relationship game, let’s look at some ways for couples who aren’t interested in an online date to get out there. After all, even during times when physical social distancing isn’t necessary, it’s important to keep our circle small—and that includes our social life.
“According to statistics,” according to Amber Kelleher-Amber Andrews, a relationship expert and CEO of Kelleher International Inc., “the likelihood of finding someone through online dating services is similar to finding someone by yourself.” “In fact,” she adds, “it is surprisingly close, with approximately one out of every four couples who meet online becoming long term partners.”
Kelleher-Andrews says that even though dating apps have seen a huge uptick in revenue since 2015, she has noticed a big shift towards meeting people face-to-face again lately. “People are tired of using online dating platforms,” she says. “They’re starting to go outside and meet people.” After a long period of staying indoors during COVID-19, now seems like a good time to start looking for new connections, so give it a shot.
If you’re looking for love online, here are some tips on how you can get it without using a dating app.
I’m familiar with the theory of attraction — we can make ourselves attracted to something so much we end up doing things to obtain it. I haven’t utilized apps in over a year, yet concentrating on my own individual fulfillment, and wohoo! I really wasn’t being hit on by guys more often, and i truly did not even try it out. It’s true. When you aren’t experiencing yourself appearing somewhere around you (you think), it occurs outside your sight. I right now am not acquainted, but it appears like I’ve gotten improved my exposure recently!
The downsides of dating apps, and how to overcome them
As more and more people turn to online dating sites and apps to look for romance, they often think that the pool is larger than it really is. But even if you’re able to get into the right place at the right time, meeting new people isn’t always easy.
How do people find love?
Around 60 percent of Australians use dating apps and websites, and of them, about 25 percent have met their partners through these channels.
According to the survey results, published last year by the ABC, almost one third (35%) of Australian adults now say they met their spouse or de facto through an internet dating site or app.
However, the few available studies suggest that the chances of finding a suitable mate through online dating websites such as OkCupid or PlentyOfFish are relatively small, with estimates suggesting that the odds for a woman of matching with someone who shares her interests would be below 10%, and the odds for a man would be less than one percent. So whether you’re looking at an online dating site or not, the odds are slim.
The downsides of dating apps
Online daters shouldn’t worry too much about their chances of meeting the right person via an online site. Despite the large pool of potential mates, most successful daters report having met partners through offline means.
So people may initiate or receive requests, but if these don’t lead anywhere they might feel rejected. Being sensitive to rejection means that rejection feels difficult and painful.
With so many potential partners at your disposal, you need to manage your time better so you don’t spend too much time talking to one person versus another. Or you risk becoming infatuated with someone who isn’t right for you.
A person’s facial expression, body language, tone of voice, etc., may be just as important as his or her spoken words. We tend to judge most by appearances so much of our first impressions are formed from how someone engages us.
Internet dating sites make it easier for partners to lie or fake their identities because they don’t need to meet each other in person. However, the internet also allows them to hide aspects of their personality which would normally stand out during an initial offline meeting.
More importantly, however, the matchmaking algorithm itself may not always be based on sound premises. Questionnaire-based matchmaking can be problematic since people often don’t always accurately assess themselves and sometimes even intentionally misrepresent themselves.
Many are built on the assumption that similarities between two strangers’ answers imply they’re similar. However, research suggests that similarities between two strangers don’t necessarily mean anything at all — and that assumptions about the reasons why someone would choose one option rather than another may be misguided. Some, such as Tinder, take into account swiping pattern analysis. However, this belies the fact that there could be multiple reasons behind a user choosing one option versus another.
These algorithm don’t capture and predict how couples may change or handle challenges over time. They’re not able to account for how their way of interacting might affect the development of a lasting relationship.
On the one hand, email communication can be good for early stages of dating but if exchanges continue through messages alone without meeting face to face, people run the risk of developing unrealistic or unmetexpectatinsd regarding their partner.
What Research Says About Dating Apps
According to research, people are now using online datings services more than ever before. And, among them, one out of three has gone on a date with someone he or she met via an internet service.2
Online daters seem to be having a good experience with the idea of an online matchmaker. In fact, nearly half (48%) of adults who’ve used online sites to connect with someone for dates said they’d had a positive experience overall. About one-third of them (34%) had met someone so far through these services — a number that was fairly similar to those who reported meeting through friends (33%), family members (31%), work colleagues (29%), and churches/synagogues (30%). However, men were much more likely than women to report positive user experiences with online approaches (53% vs. 43%, respectively). While both groups say they feel comfortable talking about personal issues, women also tended to be more open about topics such as finances, health, religion, politics and family history. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to discuss alcohol consumption, smoking habits, sexual practices and physical appearance.
Research has shown that online dating has its downsides too; especially for young people. About three out of four female college students surveyed by Match Group, which owns OkCupid, Tinder, PlentyOfFish and others, said they had received unwanted sexual advances from men who contacted them through one of these sites.
“Online daters shouldn’t expect to meet their soul mates from online datings sites. Many people don’t know how to treat others and end up hurting them by doing inappropriate things or not treating others fairly. Online daters need to respect each other’s boundaries.”
In conclusion, it seems like online dating is here to stay. But if you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, consider trying one of these 10 websites instead.
OkCupid has been around since 1999, but its popularity only grew after users started using Facebook to find matches. The site’s tagline reads “Life is short. Have an affair,” which is pretty accurate. Users answer questions about what they want in a mate, then get matched up by the site’s proprietary matching algorithm.
eHarmony launched in 2000 and claims to have helped over 40 million singles find love. It uses personality tests to determine compatibility and offers a variety of tools to help users communicate effectively.
Match.com was founded in 1995 and has grown into one of the most popular dating sites in the world. The site allows users to search for potential mates based on age, location, interests, education level, occupation, income, hobbies, etc.
PlentyOfFish was created in 2003 and is owned by Match Group. It’s free to use and features a large database of singles from across the globe.
Zoosk is another popular dating app that’s part of Match Group. It’s known for being easy to navigate and quick to load.
Tinder was founded in 2012 and is available for iOS and Android devices. It’s fast, fun and easy to use.
Bumble was founded in 2014 and is currently available for iPhone and Android devices. It focuses on safety and security and lets you set your own standards for communication.
Whisper is different than many other dating apps because it’s not focused on finding a long term relationship. Instead, it’s more geared toward helping people express themselves and share their true feelings.
9. Christian Mingle
Christian Mingle is a service offered by Christianity Today that helps Christians find love within their faith. It’s free to join and add your favorite faith to your profile.
JDate is specifically designed for Jewish singles seeking romantic or business opportunities. It’s free to sign up and use, but some features are paid options.